II. Killing my feelings

      I killed my feelings, not all of them, but the ones that were bringing me down. I overcame most of my fears too, except one, which is the fear of losing someone I love, that's why I worked on killing my love for pretty much everyone around me. They stay, they go, I don't care anymore. I killed the love I carried inside me by making sure that I never forget how badly I felt when the ones I loved gave up on me so easily and just left, that I never forget how much I gave, for how long I stood up for them. I am not talking about a specific person here who just left, I am also talking about friends, friends can break your heart too.

      There was a specific person who had a very special place inside my heart, who knew all of weakness points, all about my trust issues, all of my fears, a person whom I loved truthfully, whom I was pushing myself to exceed my limits just to make proud, whom blew away all of that for no reason. This blow came out of nowhere shattering all of what was left of me. I keep reminding myself of that, every single detail, every single promise, every single beautiful memory we had. I keep reminding myself, everyday. I keep saying to myself that no matter how perfect a one can seem, he can change for no reasons. I keep on remembering just to eliminate the love I have inside me, or I suppose I should say "had". I have become someone I have never expected to be. I may not have feelings, but I do have rules and morals.