III. Suicidal Thoughts
Three years ago I tried killing myself but I failed. I thought that I was weak because I couldn't be able to end my misery, I feared killing myself even though I wished to die every single day. Then it turned out it wasn't weakness, it was hope. I thought I had lost hope but it turned out I had the slightest glimmer of hope back then, and that committing suicide was the actual weakness. I decided then to change my life and I succeeded, and I felt so proud of myself that I didn't just escape my problems, they were unsolvable problems so I changed the way I looked at them. Instead of hoping for them to be solved, I decided to just let go of the past and create my future, and I succeeded in that. But what about now? Why am I so suicidal? I know that suicide is such an extreme form of escapism but what if I want to escape? Escape from myself. I am being hunted down by myself, by my suicidal thoughts. I close my eyes I see mysel...