V. Sudoku

      I love solving problems in general, any kind of problem, it's my passion to do so, I like listening to other's problems if they decided to tell me and I really put so much effort trying to help them overcoming it. I build an illusion in my mind that I am the one whom in this problem not them, and eventually it gets solved, either by solving it if it's solvable or by helping them moving on if it's like a memory or something that took place in the past that can't be changed. That's why Sudoku is my favorite game so far because it's a puzzle that needs to be solved. Plus, I see that it is not just a game, it really has some deep meanings. It really taught me something, it taught me that for every problem, for every missing piece of puzzle, every missing number, there is a solution, always, if the solution is not within the box it can be within the row, it can be within the column , the solution can even be in a whole different number or a series of numbers you need to put first before reaching the point where you put the number you focused on in the beginning. And when you find all the missing numbers, you will find yourself completed the whole puzzle, solving the whole problem. But, if you check what was before that, before you even started putting the numbers in the right places, you will notice that you started by identifying the missing numbers, by identifying the problem itself in order to solve it. And if you take a look way before that, you will find that it all started by learning the numbers themselves, the solutions, the "how" for identifying the problem and solving it.

      That was my simple explanation for why I can't solve my problem, for why I can't be happy, for why I don't feel anything good anymore. I have tried solving it a lot, in fact, almost everyday.  But, what if i don't know what my problem is? What if I can't identify why I'm feeling depressed and empty inside almost all the time? What if I can't identify the missing numbers? Moreover, what if I don't know what are the numbers that lies between 1 and 9 in order to identify which is missing, in order to solve the whole puzzle? Am I ever going to solve it? Absolutely not. I don't want to give up but I don't know what to do anymore. I know I need help but I can't just speak it out to my family since they already have a lot of problems, I can't just tell them I need to go to a therapist or something. After all, I am left with nothing to do.